I am finally feeling much better after a terrible week last week. It's crazy that ever since I stopped taking my medication, I finally feel like myself again. I also haven't had any colitis related symptoms since that time. It's confusing to think that NOT taking my medicine seems to be better for me, but it is. I think not eating for 5 days to clear up the pancreatitis gave my colon a rest as well, allowing it to possibly heal itself. That along with my new specific carbohydrate diet is what I plan on doing from now on. No more meds.....I am still weaning off of the prednisone, but I'm down to 7.5 mg which is good. I was on 40 mg....terrible!

Anyway, to go back to the topic of my blog, God. I became very frustrated yesterday while talking with my mother. I was very emotional yesterday because I stepped down my prednisone dosage. I find that each time I go down in dosage, the first day or so I feel pretty depressed. So I was talking with my mother about my troubles and worries about life when she threw the God card in my face. On a normal occassion I would probably just brush it off, but she seems to do it more and more these days. Apparently the reason that I'm not happy in my life or have problems in health or relationships is because I don't go to church. If I went to church and worshiped God then I would be "saved" and happy. I'm not trying to put down religion whatsoever, as I can't tell you exactly what I believe anymore, but having someone tell you that you won't be going to "heaven" with the rest of the family is a bit ridiculous and to be honest just pisses me off. I am spiritual and do believe there is something out there, but I don't have to go to church and recite passages to find that. I believe more in the philosophy of religions like Taoism, which is to live simplisticly. I enjoy learning about religion and applying aspects of it that I see beneficial to my life. I really don't think that me not going to church means I should have a life filled with dissapointments, regrets, and go to hell. If that's true then I think a lot of the world is in trouble. I also see terrible people doing great things and getting breaks all the time. How is that possible if I know for a fact they are athiest? It's confusing and I really hate when people force beliefs on me and try to make me think a certain way. Besides, if going to church leads to a happy life, then why isn't she happy? Well I feel like I have just bitched for a long time now, but that really bothered me yesterday. It bothered me to the point that I shut off my computer, cell phone, every form of communication with anyone, for the remainder of the day.

Today has started off much better. I still haven't had the nerve to turn my phone on, it's actually kind of freeing knowing that nobody can get ahold of you. I just want to believe in the good of life and try to live as simply as I can. To have joy in the small things like nature and being healthy. Isn't that what we are supposed to be doing? Slowing down and enjoying the moments, not making a huge production of it? I don't know, but I'm going to believe what I believe, listen to what others have to say with respect and caution, and be on my way. Training will be starting again today. I went for a light run on Sunday and Monday and felt pretty good, but totally wiped out yesterday. Today I am going for a light swim and possibly some indoor biking. Here we go again.........

Well this has been an interesting week in terms of my health. Tuesday I went to the gym and worked out pretty hard. I did about 40 minutes on the stationary bike, doing 1 minute sprint intervals every 7 minutes or so. That really kicked my ass! I think interval training is the way to go on the stationary equipment. I felt like I had done twice as much when I was finished. My legs felt like jello. After that my friend Chris and I did a circuit workout that consisted of medicine ball, lunges, push-ups, squats, and bridge. We did 15 reps using good technique and did 3 sets as quickly as we could. Then it was back to the weight room to finish up with a few ab/back exercises and a 10 minutes cool-down on the bike. Lastly....stretching! Stretching felt awesome after that workout. I was starving after so I picked up some food and went home to watch some Australian Open action....good stuff! I felt great that night and slept good too.

The funny thing was the next day (yesterday) I felt pretty bad. I was sore which was expected, but my stomach felt kinda weird. I didn't eat much all day. It was a dull aching all day long and it really started getting to me by the end of the day. I couldn't even think really and all I wanted to do was go home and go to sleep so I could not think about the pain for a little while. I didn't eat the rest of the evening and continued to feel like crap for the rest of the night. I hate this and really don't understand why or how this happens....if it was something I had for dinner the night before or what.

This morning I feel so much better. It's amazing how relieving it is to wake up and not be in pain. I'm getting used to those highs and lows as they seem to come so often now. One day I will feel awesome and the next day like I'm going to die. Sounds like fun huh? Well I'll tell you one thing, it sure makes me appreciate and want to make the most out of the days I do feel good. I'm supposed to go workout again today. Either a gym circuit or outside biking. Not sure which one yet, I'm still really sore from Tuesday, but it will be good to get out and spin my legs a little bit. Hopefully I will feel alright the rest of the day though! Off to work..........